Saturday, August 15, 2015

My brother Curt

For the past few weeks, I’ve wanted to write a blog post about a recent life event.  I started several times, but didn’t get very far.  I’m still dealing with a huge range of emotions and how life alerting it was. But here it is.

On Tuesday July 28th I found myself sitting on the couch with my laptop on my knees growing increasingly frustrated with my kids.  I had five days to finish writing my book and have it to my editor and my kids were doing everything in their power to keep me from finishing it.  Not intentionally of course, but it didn’t feel that way. 

For the previous two weeks, my stress level had risen and my patience had fallen. I was nearing my limit with my family and even got irritated with my husband when he wanted to go out on a date. Didn’t he realize it would take away from my precious writing time?

But then I received a phone call. I rarely answer my phone. For one, I hate talking on the phone and two, I didn’t want to be interrupted but it was my sister so I answered. I thought it would give me a chance to vent.

I didn’t vent. Instead my sister cried over the phone to tell me our brother Curt was in the hospital in California on life support after making an attempt on his life.

From that moment through the next five days, my life changed, especially my perspective on...everything.

I wish I could tell you everything that happened, but it’s too personal. It was painfully tragic with moments of beauty. Someday I'd like to share, but not any time soon.

My parents, sister, niece and I sat at his side and cried…a lot, we held his hand, told him what he meant to us, and listened to his favorite music. Friday July 31st his fight with mental illness and alcoholism ended.  Saturday, August 1st, we said our final goodbyes before his body was taken to donate his organs. I feel an overwhelming sense of peace knowing that someone will have his heart, liver and kidneys. We as a family needed to find some comfort in this heartbreaking event. 

After coming home, I spent a few days writing about those five days and listening to music. This song kept coming up for me and it breaks my heart every time but it describes him perfectly.

For friends and family that have sent messages of love and support, thank you. It’s truly appreciated.

It took some time, but this past week I started working on my book again. I’m taking my time and enjoying the process while staying in the moment. I spent too much time looking forward instead of being in the present and appreciating my life right now.