Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Remember that one time?





Remember that one time I said a particular book would be released at a certain time then I said it wasn't. Well, I'm saying it again.

Nearly a month ago, I woke up from my year long anxiety ridden daze, looked in the mirror and barely recognized myself. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I am a mess. Inside and out.
In the past year, I continually put myself last , and it shows. I put on 25 lbs and aged years. I feel it in my body and see it in my face.  I won't go into details because it's so much. So. Much.  But it did involve one of my kids and mental illness. 
For a year I held onto him with everything I had to keep him from drowning while sacrificing myself. I survived off of fear, worry, caffeine and lots and lots of junk food.

That was until a few weeks ago. I hit my wall. I realized that I couldn't keep going like this. My child still needs me more than ever, but I can't hold him up when I'm drowning. I had to make life changes, take time to exercise and do some self-care but it wasn't just in my personal life. It affected my writing life. I pushed myself to write even when my heart wasn’t in it. I filled my days with shoulds. As a family, we made sacrifices so I could quit my job and write full time, so I carried this heavy weight of responsibility and every day I woke up feeling the weight of all my shoulds on my shoulders. So I wrote, but I lost that passion I had when I first began writing. Hitting that wall, I realized that this needed to change too. I wanted to love writing again, and in the past few weeks I have.

I write every day more than I have this past year, but I have no idea when anything will be published. I have no idea what books will be finished next and I have no idea when I’ll finish writing the last books for the Until Series and the Always series. Right now, I know those series won’t be finished any time soon. Those characters aren’t talking to me. But I am writing in fact I have more story ideas than time.

This week, I've been writing a short story about Bridget's father from Until Now that I'll be posting on here once it's finished.  I'm also half way done with a novella about Benny and Seth from Love Me. If all goes well, it'll be out in November but I won't make any promises.